Brazil 135 ... Here I Come

In about 30 minutes I will be leaving my home for the airport and the long trip to Brazil where I will take on the greatest challenge of my life – the Brazil 135 Mile Ultra Marathon.

I wish I could say the last few weeks leading up to the race have been good to me, but they have not. I have been plagued with fear and self doubt and admit I considered calling it quits more than once. I have felt run down and not at all prepared for the race that is to come. That’s just the way it is.

As I sit here now, I can feel the tide turning. I am about to step off on the greatest adventure of my life and though I don’t feel prepared for what feels like an overwhelming and impossible undertaking I realize that I don’t have to. All I need to do is show up, stand up and run on faith. My running has never been about anything else.

This is the greatest challenge of my life and it will not be easy. In fact, I can’t even begin to comprehend the amount of discomfort I will endure. It’s 135 miles. I have 60 hours to complete. It’s all up or down except for about 10 miles. How did I get here again?

In a time like this I will let the words of my four-year-old daughter carry me out the door when she sings in my Ipod while sleeping quietly down the hall. “Your heart is bigger than the mountain, Daddy.” “Just be like Rocky, go the distance.”

It’s time to find out it if she is right.

Portraits of Sister Mary Beth Lloyd

     A portrait of Sister Mary Beth Lloyd, Morristown, NJ

I had the honor of photographing Sister Mary Beth Lloyd in Morristown, NJ today. Sister Mary Beth devotes her life to God and helping Aids Orphans through the organization Aids Orphans Rising.
I love any charity where 100 percent  of what you donate goes to help children in need. I am offering my photography experience to the organization and I enjoyed teaching Sister Mary Beth Lloyd photography tips and editing her wonderful pictures of needy children from all over the world. She is also an ultra marathon runner! Amazing.

Sister Mary Beth Lloyd was easily one of the most humble people I have ever met. It was very interesting photographing her because she was very camera shy. Here is a person who lives to help others and prefers to have the spotlight directed anywhere but on her. I tried to show that in my pictures today.

Nikon D3, 1600 ISO, window (God) light

Sister Mary Beth Lloyd and I really hit off. I felt like we have known each other forever and I found myself sharing intimate details of my life simply because it felt right. I look forward to many more conversations and a long friendship.

I showed up with my usual car load of Profoto lighting equipment and my bag of Nikon SB-800's but I never pulled them out of the car. The natural light through the big windows was so beautiful I could feel my heart racing just walking around the historical Villa Walsh where the Religious Teachers Filippini reside. I am hoping to photograph more nuns who live here and my head is spinning with the thought of how wonderful this would be for another personal photography project.

Along with my photography, I have also teamed up with Sister Mary Beth Lloyd and others to help needy children in Brazil. I will be running the Brazil 135 Mile Ultra Marathon January 23rd. Here is the race description and what I have to look forward to:

With 135 miles long the Brazil 135 Ultramarathon is considered the most difficult continuous race in Brazil. The course route is on the Mantiqueira Mountains - ( A Sub Range of the Andes Cordillera ). The race was created by Dr. Mario Lacerda an ultrarunner and Badwater Finisher. The race is held on the most difficult segment of the Caminho da Fé - Path of the Faith, - the longest Pilgrimage in Brazil. The Brazil 135 Ultramarathon is part of the BWWC* a initiative of Chris Kostman the president of the American Company AdventureCorps, that promotes the race Badwater Ultramarathon in Death Valley - California.

The course boasts about 30,000 feet of cumulative ascent and 28,000 feet of cumulative descent, and must be completed within 60 hours. With only ten flat miles in the race, by the finish line the runner will have completed a course that is analogous to climbing up and down Mt. Everest.

I am running this race to help raise money to support Casa Nossa, a local mission that serves homeless and low-income girls, helping to educate them, teach them productive skills and keep them off the streets and safe from prostitution, crime and drugs. The funds we raise will pay for the construction of a gymnasium to be used for education and sports activities. Like Aids Orphans Rising  100 percent goes to the construction of the  gymnasium. I will also be photographing the girls at Casa Nossa while in Brazil. If you wish to donate please visit the Team USA site: http://www.brazil135teamusa.com/

If you do donate ... any amount ... please let me know and I will send you a portrait from Brazil.

               Sister Mary Beth Lloyd

Oil Creek 100 Mile Run - Photo Montage Video

My good friend Jeremy Lock came from South Carolina to photograph my 100 mile adventure. JT, as we call him, is the four time Military Photographer of the Year and has also been awarded the Bronze Star. You can read about it here. His photos of my Oil Creek 100 Mile Trail Run will be images I look back on for the rest of my life.

I was warned about post race depression. After so much training and focus it's hard to sit on the couch and eat cheese steaks and ice cream. I've been doing exactly that. It's been 8 days since the race and I am ready for new beginnings. I am excited that my run has put my photography in a new light. I feel I have more direction where I want to go as a photographer. I'm excited to get back behind the camera and explore the personalities of people.

As far as long distance running goes ... I told my wife after the race to NEVER let me do that to myself again. I then reminded her again when we got home and the pain really set in. I love her completely, but she failed miserably. I begin training today for the Rocky Raccoon 100 Miler in Texas Feb. 6-7. I don't expect it, or anything, will ever be like my first 100 miler, but I look forward to relentlessly moving forward.

Here is a photo montage video I created with JT's pictures and two of my favorite running songs by LaRue I listen to on the trails.

Running the Oil Creek 100 Mile Trail Run - A Journey to Define Me

100 mile "before and after" self portraits.

I have told many people who have asked me why I chose to run 100 miles that everyone once in their lives should have their very own ROCKY story. I knew the Oil Creek 100 mile trail run would be mine. I had no idea just how close it would come to that. This was my first 100-mile ultra marathon. It was my impossible dream. I now know nothing is impossible.

Preparing for this adventure was four months of the most intense training of my life. I lost close to 40 pounds since June and I owe everything to my amazing running coach, Lisa Smith Batchen, who trained me to complete the race. I could not have done it without her. I followed her coaching and guidance to the letter and I will never forget what she has done for me.

I had traveled to beautiful Oil Creek State Park during my training for a 30-mile run. I knew how tough the course would be. It had 35,570-feet of elevation change. Race day brought new challenges that I did not expect -ankle deep mud, wet and slippery ground and dense fog that made it extremely difficult to see while running at night. There were also unexpected joys. The aid station volunteers were like family. I truly felt love for them. Soup had never tasted so good and encouraging smiles never felt so warm.

Photo courtesy of Charlie Houpt

During the race I always knew that my wife Jen and our friends Andrea, Shane and JT would be waiting for me at aid stations. The thought of seeing them kept me going. While running, I listened to my iPod when I needed to and kept coming back to the same voice. My 4-year-old daughter Emily encouraging me. “You can do it Daddy, I can believe in you, I know you can run 100 miles.” Her voice would drive me to an emotional edge. I knew I would not quit. I would not end without running one hundred miles, even if that meant having to finish the race on my own. It almost came to that. I arrived at one aid station at 85.3 miles with six minutes to spare before I was pulled from the race. I told my wife “This is probably not going to happen. Whatever happens, I am running 100 miles. I am not stopping.” My wife and crew never stopped believing in me but they were putting plans in motion for how and where I could complete my dream past the 32-hour cut off time. To complete the race I would need to run faster. I think it was around mile 87 I simply let everything go. I ran as hard and fast as I could and I was screaming, crying on the trail. I was happy. The happiest place and time of my life. God was with me on the trail, nothing would ever again sway my belief. Nothing would ever be the same. “Trust Me.” A voice beating in my heart and my head mixing in with the sweet sound of my daughter. I was whooping and hollering and screaming with joy and laughter.

I’ll take you back to the beginning. I decided to run 100 miles with one purpose. It was my desire to seek God and know Him again. Every training run, every mile was a step for me back into the relationship I let slip away. Those who know me best know that the most powerful words I have ever read are Jeremiah 29:13 “If you seek Me with all your heart and all your soul, then you will find Me.” Everything was about this … every moment, every step was a desire to live those words.

I crossed the finish line with 13.5 minutes left before the cut off time. Everyone made a tunnel for me and I ran through it into my wife’s arms. Crying uncontrollably, I said the words to her I promised myself I would say four months before when my training for the race began. “Where’s your hat?” It’s what ROCKY said to Adrian after he went the distance. I was sobbing in my wife’s arms. Tom Jennings, the man who made the race and my dream possible handed me my 100-miler finisher buckle. It will hang on my wall in my “Last Wildcatter to Leave Pithole” award plaque for being the last place winner of the first Oil Creek 100 mile trail race. I will look on it often and I will always remember – I chose to seek God and he found me on the trails.

Photos of the race by Jeremy Lock can be found here: http://tiny.cc/VMQvq

Chasing down a dream ... one step at a time

Self portrait at mile 32 of a 40 mile trail run at Jockey Hollow in NJ.

One of my favorite photography assignments has been ultra marathon runners. I can vividly remember standing at the finish line and photographing runners complete the grueling 100 mile course at the Massanutten Mountain Trails 100 Mile run and wondering what that feels like. Not long after, I began a portrait project of ultra marathon runners at mile 0 and then again at mile 100 less than five minutes after crossing the finish line at the Grindstone 100. I was and continue to be fascinated by people who run for such an incredible distance. I have met so many great people in the ultra marathon community. There is something about them that I just can't define. There is something in the eyes of a 100 mile run finisher that began to stir questions inside myself. I was inspired. I wanted to be like them. I questioned if I could be ... and the rest is history, or at least it will be in 20 days when I try to complete the Oil Creek 100 Mile Trail Run.


It was a tough road, or I should say trail, getting here. My training came to a halt many months ago when PFS in my right knee shattered my dream and left me in a funk for the ages. I can remember sitting at my kitchen table and crying like a baby to my wife and feeling like a heel because there are so many worse things in this scary world to cry about. But sometimes dreams are worth crying for. After a few months off without running, I decided to try again. I contacted running coach Lisa Smith-Batchen, one of North America's top endurance athletes, and she agreed to coach me. I had very low expectations of myself when we began. Everyday I waited for the knee to bring my dream to a halt again. But with Lisa's expert coaching, I just kept going, and going and going. The last four months working with Lisa and the support of my family have changed my life. I have no idea how my 100 mile dream will end. I now have confidence and high hopes and I am in the best shape of my life but there are so many variables. I know that I will run my heart out and I will have no regrets.
My training is just about over and my longest training run of 40 miles is behind me as of yesterday. I also left close to 40 pounds of me on the trails over the last four months. I ran in torrential down pours, heat waves, feeling sick, happy, sad, bored, you name it, I ran it. For ultra marathon runners, this is the nature of what they do. It defines many of them. When I began training for my first marathon two short years ago I could not run one mile. Not one. I was diagnosed with the breathing rate of a 96-year-old due to months working at Ground Zero as a photographer following 9/11. But, I ran anyway.


I often say that running on a trail and letting your mind go is a beautiful place to experience things greater than yourself. There is a lot to learn in those lonely hours when your mind slows down and your legs are screaming. It's a great place for relationship building and renewing the most important of all friendships. You never have to speak a word unless you are like me and like to yell your declarations loudly in the forest.


I, like many ultra marathon runners, have been asked many times "Why?"


My answer is, beware, to some, as corny as they come.


To take a shot at what you believe is impossible. To put it on the line. To seek the answers even if you don't know the questions. To have faith enough to know that what you seek you just might find and there is a promise written somewhere important saying it's so.


Everyone once in their lives should have their very own ROCKY story.


This one's mine.

Self portrait on the trail training for my 100 mile ultra marathon.

The Power of Commitment

A runner at the MMT 100.

When you commit to something, you invite failure into the equation of what you hope to achieve. It's a scary thing. Especially early on when fear and doubt are so prevalent. It's easy to dip your toes in the water and test your confidence before you commit. You can always walk away. It's different with words especially when you speak them to others.

Sometimes it's important to throw caution to the wind and jump into the pond with both feet screaming with a smile. It's liberating.

Stop thinking about it. Debating it. Fearing it. Decide what you want to achieve and do it.

Believe in yourself.

The only thing that can go wrong is you can fail.

There are much worse things than that.

Massanutten Mountain Trails 100 Mile run ... Here I Come!

Ultra marathon runners fascinate me.

The ones I have met since I began working on my photography project have impacted me deeply in ways I never expected. Like many people who don't understand why anyone would run 100 miles for a belt buckle, I thought they had to be at least a little crazy. For the most part, the ultra marathon runners I have encountered are some of the nicest people I have ever met. An example: I stayed awake the entire 36 hours photographing the MMT 100 this year. I just couldn't bring myself to sleep or to stop shooting. Watching these people deplete themselves, some to the point of 1000 yard stares for miles, I just had to keep shooting, and moving, and shooting some more. Watching these runners accomplish such an unbelievable journey through those mountains was one of the most incredible things I have ever witnessed. ROCKY times 100 and I love me some ROCKY.


So there I was, exhausted and still snapping away at runners in different stages of pain or exhilaration - and a lot of both - when a runner comes up to me and says, "You were out there all night taking pictures. You were everywhere. You must be exhausted, can I get you a drink or something to eat?" That explained a lot to me about ultra marathon runners.

I had recurring thoughts during my experience shooting the MMT 100 . Could I do this? Do I have it in me to be like these people? But mostly, with every person I snapped crossing the finish line, the thought was, 'what does that feel like?' Capturing that feeling in a photograph is in the eyes for me. Seeing the eyes of ultra runners before and after 100 miles led to my before and after portrait project. A series I look forward to continuing and growing.

A photograph has always held the answer for me. Mostly in portraits because it's the gestures of people that interest me. My camera is and has been my key to open the doorways of the unknown. This time it's different for me.

I am going to run the Massanutten Mountain Trails 100 Mile run May, 16th 2009. Some people have asked me "Why?" I don't know how to answer that. I really don't.

I know this.

Somewhere inside of me is the courage to try. Somewhere inside of me I feel like a kid again watching ROCKY for the 100th time and crying because ROCKY wouldn't go down because he refused to be just another bum from the neighborhood. Maybe I am running 100 miles to find some self esteem. Maybe I am looking for something spiritual and I hope to find it running up and down a mountain for 100 miles and the many, many training miles I will run to get to the starting line. I really don't why.

I do know this. Running 100 miles is the simplest task of finding out who I really am.